Hay is for Horses

So as we pulled into the driveway, D1 spied the bale of straw I just bought sitting next to the garage. It's for my slacker garden. The garden that will become the garden of neglect by the end of the summer - a tradition two years in the making. Anyways, D1 asks "why do we have hay". And as a responsible Mother I reply "hay is for horses". I mean, what else was I going to say? But I couldn't stop there. I told her "we bought a horse. It's sleeping in your room. I'm not sure where you will sleep tonight". In the half second of forethought before I made this statement I figured she would whine that she wanted her bed, and I would simply tell her that I was joking. But she didn't whine, she got excited. Started talking about feeding it apples,sharing her bed with it and going for rides on it. I could have stopped there, but I didn't, I went with it. As we walked into the house, she nearly knocked me over trying to get upstairs. I braced myself for the tears. Instead, she yelled down "Mom, I can't find her!, Where is she!" I told her to look in my room "She's not there, Mom!" So I went upstairs and said to my dear D1 "now silly, do you really think Mommy put a horse in your room?" And her reply? "Oh yeah, right. It's in the yard?"

My addiction

So, I have a dirty little secret. I'm addicted. Addicted to my Blackberry. It really must be like crack, I hear that is also very quickly addicting. I've only had my blackberry for a month, and I can't believe how addicted I am.

Let me start at the beginning:

My husband needed a new cell phone. He uses his for work, so a multi-functioning device made sense for him. When he was looking into them, he mentioned to me that the current sale was buy one, get one free. Well, I knew NOTHING about them. Except I saw them on a commercial once, and thought they looked cute. A nice little accessory to put into my Coach handbag. So as hubby left to go to the Verizon store, I told him sure, I'd take one, but don't bother getting me the internet connection, because I don't need THAT.

Yeah, I was that clueless. See for those of you who are also clueless, you can't get a Blackberry with out internet connection. It's kind of pointless.

So Hubby comes home from Verizon, and before he even gives me the phone he announces that we had to pay for the internet access. He reduced our minutes, so we are actually paying the same, but we had to have internet access. Right away my hackles are up - we could have been SAVING money by reducing our minutes, but instead we are paying for the internet? Arghhhh. Then I start playing with the phone. Mine is a storm, or something, I don't really know. It doesn't actually have buttons, you have to push on the screen for it to work. In all of two minutes I decided I HATED it. It must go back, I declared! I put it in the box, while Hubby shook his head repeatedly at me. The next morning he asked me to just try it for a couple of days. Well, ok. But I wasn't going to take the protective clear plastic off of it, so I could still return it if I wanted.

Yeah, on day 3, D2 pulled it all off. The phone was mine. I've made peace with the push screen, actually I'm pretty good at it. I can punch in an email at a pretty fast speed. Have to admit, I'm a little embarrassed by it. I mean, come on, why the hell does a housewife need a Blackberry? What urgent matters do I need to attend to online? Scheduling the latest playgroup can't wait till I have time to sit in front of the computer? I mean really. It's kind of silly.

But that doesn't stop me from checking it ALL THE TIME. Constantly. The little ding of a new message is hypnotizing: MUST CHECK MESSAGE NOW! And it's pathetic, just how detached from the here and now I've become. I'm playing with the girls at the park, and suddenly I have an overwhelming urge to check my messages. Or in the middle of dinner I hear a ding and desperately want to get up to see what it is. I mean really, ho


Sorry, where was I? My phone just dinged so I had to check what it was - not to worry, it was just SPAM. Now, I forget what I was s

Sorry, sorry, it happened again. Apparently book club is being re-scheduled. Good thing I checked it right away, urgent stuff, you know?

So last night I think I hit rock bottom. Hubby and I frequently spend our evenings on opposite ends of our sectional watching tv and playing with our blackberry's. Yeah, I know, it is as pathetic as it sounds. Sometime's we IM each other. Uh Huh. We really do.

We were watching the finale of American Idol. Does it make us sound less pathetic if I tell you that we watch it in order to mock it? Yeah, I know, it doesn't. At least I tried.

So to annoy Hubby or to make him laugh, I'm not really sure, I start using my FB status update to add my two cents to what is going on during the show. Some of them were actually hilarious in my opinion. Hee hee. But ok,maybe, just maybe, it was a little overboard to write 15 updates in about 23 minutes. But come on, Hubby was laughing! Who cares about my other 144 FB friends, right?

I know, it was as low as a Blackberry addict could go,right? Where do I go for counseling on this sort of thing?

Or ma

Ah never mind, my phone is dinging again, going to go check it....

What's for tomorrow?

So, my D1 asks the question What's for tomorrow? Oh, about once, twice or three hundred times a day. If she's especially excited about something that is to happen the next day, the frequency of the question sky rockets. It can be maddening, especially when she crawls into bed, shakes you awake, only to whisper in your ear Mommy, what's for tomorrow? Honestly, it drives me nuts.

Today is my dear D1's fourth birthday. My firstborn, my forever baby is four. I just can't believe that. I remember pushing her around the grocery store, other Mom's would stop and ask me if she were my first, after nodding yes, they would smile and tell me to treasure it because the time goes by so fast. I would knowingly nod, as if I understood. I really didn't. It goes by at an incomprehensible speed. And yes, I know I'm only talking about 4 years. I'll just have to wait till she's off to college, or married or having her own baby to really understand, I suppose.

But what's for tomorrow? What will tomorrow bring for my baby girl? As a bit of an underachiever myself, I can't say that I wish for her stardom or fame. Not even huge amounts of financial wealth, or a prestigious title. Nope, my wishes for my baby girl are pretty simple, I suppose. I simply want her to grasp at happiness with both hands and never let go. I want her to understand that happiness is a choice. Happiness can only be found in the little things, which build themselves up into the big things. The important things. I want her to realize this now, and hold onto it for all her tomorrows. I want her to see beauty and humor in all things.

I wish I could say that my baby girls tomorrow's will be protected from hurt, shame, pain or sorrow. But these are inevitable parts of life, the parts that every Mommy futilely wishes they could protect their babies from. So I suppose I wish that D1's painful tomorrows will leave her unbroken, but stronger and wiser. More thankful for the happier times. And I wish I could say her tomorrows will be free from mistakes. But then, how will she learn?

I want my baby girl to never lose her strength,confidence,independence and free spiritedness. I want her to stay the individual she is now, as an unencumbered four year old. Full of mischief and curiosity for the world.


Happy Birthday, my D1. Mommy loves you.

My GPS called me fat

So I love my GPS. Love it. I call her Sheila. I wouldn't know how to back out of my driveway without her. And yes, if you watch The Office, I, too, would drive into a lake if she told me to.

About two weeks ago, after an especially hot spring weekend. (90+ degrees in April - what the hell?) I decided to throw caution to the wind and skip dinner in order to go directly to dessert. We were going to have ice cream for dinner! Wahoo! And so we loaded the girls up in the car, and punched in ice cream into our GPS. Still being kind of new to this area, we haven't found our perfect ice cream place yet. It has to have a nice mixture of cleanliness, homemade-ness and rusticness to appeal to all of our suburban senses. We thought we'd try a new place, guided by my buddy Sheila. A place just 3.2 miles away popped up. And so we drove, guided by her left and right turns. And we were guided right into a residential neighborhood. Sheila had done us wrong! Such a feeling of deception, of being lied to, and played the fool. But, willing to forgive, we gave her another try. This time we chose a place about 10 miles away. A little farther away, but hey, the name had "homemade icecream" in it's name. It had to be good. And so we drove, eyeing the girls in the back as their eyes became droopy and tired. Would they be awake by the time we arrived? 15 minutes later we were at the destination. Another residential neighborhood! What the hell! Fool us once, shame on you, Sheila, but fool us twice, well shame on us!

And so we drove home, with two sleeping children, making a detour at Taco Bell for the dinner Hubby was now hungry for. I haven't entrusted my geographic needs to Sheila since. I'm not sure what to do, or if I can trust again, and continue our relationship. Is there counseling for this sort of relationship? Was I just too needy, too dependent upon her, and she broke under the pressure? Or did she do it out of love, with the knowledge that I wanted to shed that extra winter weight? Was she restless, ready to move on to a slimmer driver? I just don't know. I thought our communication was pretty good, but this has caused me to pause, and re-evaluate the relationship. I just don't know if I can love again.

Spring Fever

So after several days of miserable rain, late Saturday afternoon, the sky cleared, the sun shone and the temperature rose. It was a beautiful day! A touch of spring fever infected hubby and I. And after perusing the horrible state of my kitchen, I decided that not only was there no way in hell I was cooking, but I wasn't going to eat in that wretched place, either. Out to eat for the Henny crew! We decided upon a fav italian restaurant that featured an outdoor patio - a perfect space for our unruly children.

As we drove there in our mini-van, with the windows rolled down, the 80's retro rock pumped up, Hubby and I sang along with our kids bopping along in the back. I smiled, and day dreamed of the chilled glass of Riesling I was going to sip on at the patio while eating whole wheat pasta tossed with sun-dried tomatoes and fresh basil. Exchanging a few buzzed giggles with hubby and smiling at our children's banter. I was ready for a relaxing, fun evening.


Ok, so this is where the fun music comes to a scratching halt and reality hits in the sitcom version of this glimpse into my life.

We walked into the restaurant,to find that the patio was closed for the evening due to a threat of rain. The restaurant was packed with boys in tuxedos and girls in skimpy dresses and updos. IT WAS PROM NIGHT! And so we backed out of the restaurant as quickly as possible.

I pouted all the way to the next restaurant, where we were turned away for the very same reason. An understanding hostess who obviously had children of her own, suggested it would be a very bad idea to eat there because of the crowds of teenagers. A helpful Hubby suggested that we do eat there, as a public service to all the parents at home worrying. Our children on display would make such a great statement in support of abstinence.

Then we drove around for 15 minutes, arguing over where to eat. I pouted. Hubby still insisted on having the windows open, which just felt like an annoying wind to me, at this point.

And so we ended up at Panera, eating salads and grilled cheese sandwiches. The whole time shocked and amazed that it cost us $36 to eat those entrees. Salad, cheese and bread for $36??? Arghhhhh! My chilled wine was replaced by iced tea. My ambience replaced with reprimands to the children on sitting still. It was reality at it's finest.

For the most part, I don't miss my life before children. I really do treasure them, and love our times together. But sometimes, just sometimes, I miss the casualness, the unplanned-ness of eating out, taking our time finding a place and savoring a meal. Especially the savoring of the meal.

Face Book Reject

So as I mentioned last week, I am addicted to Facebook. I have 142 friends. My hubby has 248. We competed for a time, but he obviously won. I update my status once or twice or ten times a day. I post photos, I look at other people's photos and leave comments. You get the idea, I'm hooked.

So yesterday, I was paging through my list of friends and I noticed something - a "friend", a boy I dated in 9th grade. Well, wait, let me correct that: he asked me to "go out with him" we talked on the phone and walked to a couple of classes together. I never knew what to say to him, we had long awkward silences then about 2 weeks into the relationship (ahem) I had my friend break up with him. He then went on to become a tough boy punk rock kind of dude and was forever rude to me, until like 12th grade when he started speaking to me again. And no, I'm not saying that my breakup from our intense relationship caused all that, I'm just saying that's what he was like. So he ended up living and working in some big city and being single and leading some kind of interesting life that I really wouldn't want to lead. Anyways, I'm talking in circles, aren't I? Are you wondering where this is going? Yeah, so am I. Ok, back to my point. This "friend" had de-friended me! He was no longer on my list! So I searched his name. He still had a profile and he still had 209 friends. 209 of his closest, dearest friends, so close that he obviously didn't have room for little ol' me to be his 210th. What a blow to the ego! I mean do I care about him? Of course not. Do I need to know anything more about him? Nope. But still, I was rejected on Facebook! Was it my lame suburban housewife comments that got to him? Was it my incessant droning on about my crazy kids? Was he only keeping cool city hipsters on his list? What could it have been? Am I not one of the cool kids? Did he hold with him my pathetic rejection for the past 20 years, and finally had his moment to get back at me? Was it the stupid tests I kept taking that annoyed him - could he no longer read what kind of fairy I was or what name I should have been named? Or did he look through my photos and get some satisfaction in the knowledge that I gained more weight than he since school, and now he could move on? What was it?! Why would he defriend me?!

And yes, this is what went through my head as I prepared dinner last night. Facebook has reverted me back to a socially insecure highschooler. The horror.

A list

So I'm totally addicted to Face Book. Completely. I am an addict. So is most of the United States, it would appear, so I don't feel all that bad about it. Perhaps it's the reason the Economy has tanked - no one is actually doing their jobs, they are just looking up old loves on FB all day.

If you are on FB, you know that it is being polluted by lists. Lists on everything you can think of, really. Fav movies, books, songs, hottest serial killers, ugliest flowers, blah, blah, blah. So the list thing has infected my head. For weeks now I've been walking around making lists in my head. Here's the one I made today:

My Favorite Things about Spring/Summer

1. Bare Feet
2. Gin N Tonics
3. My annual beach vacation with the Fam
4. Margaritas
5. Backyard BBQ's
6. The smell of lilacs
7. Strawberries, blueberries and raspberries
8. The Emmaus Farmers Market - going there every Sunday for some shopping and bonding with my little D1.
9. Hanging out on my adirondack chair in the backyard listening to Bob Marley
10. Street Fairs and carnivals
11. Ice Cream

I got to 11. Probably would look nicer if I had stayed at 10, but who can leave out ice cream? I mean really.