Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Super Freak

So, I really enjoy using the word "freaking". Not nearly as much as it's cousin, the F bomb, but in a very poor attempt at censoring myself, I use freaking. A lot. In fact, I have quite a few words and/or phrases that ummmm, color my language. "For the love of god" is one. I attribute that to my Jersey days. It's just a very Jersey thing to say, I think. Oh, and along those same lines I say "oh my god, I almost died". "Crap" I say way too much, which is another pathetic try at not saying shit. Although I still say "shit" a lot too, a favorite phrase being "I don't give two shits..."

But anyways, I digress. Hmmmm, that's a word I don't use often enough. I'll have to remember that. Ok, back to what I was saying. About a month ago, my Dad was visiting and in the course of our conversation, I probably said "freaking" a good 5 times. Which he felt compelled to point out, saying "you know, you say freaking a lot, you should probably watch that or your kids are going to start saying it"

Arghhh... my Dad freaking jinxed me!

Today, I was standing on a step stool, digging out the finger paint from the top shelf in the craft closet (which EVERYTHING is on the top shelf in the craft closet, come on, you've read this blog, I can't leave anything lower!) While I was digging around, the bag of playdough fell and scared D1. Can you guess her response? Here it was: "Freaking playdough, you just freaked me out". Ahhhhh.... thanks Dad!

After I stopped laughing, I called hubby to tell him. And after he stopped laughing, he pointed out what a smart girl D1 is. She figured out how to use "freaking" two ways! As an adjective and a verb! Words can not fully express how freaking proud I am.

Friday, March 20, 2009

A Hit for Reality

This morning I took the girls outside. It's still a bit chilly, but we bundled up in sweatshirts and jeans, and were just fine. I spent the time outside working on a small garden bed. The girls dug for jewels and other mysteries, then they went onto the deck and played with some old flower pots - making "flower pizzas". I was just three steps below them in the yard. As I was listening to them chatter on about flower pizzas and dirt and jewels and other imaginary things, I smiled to myself, pleased with their little imaginations at work. As some of you who also blog may do as well, my mind wandered to a possible blog post about the morning. About how that moment felt so good, felt exactly like what I thought the joys and awards of parenthood would be like. My heart grew warmer as I mentally narrated the scene. Far off in the distance, I heard D1 whine about a crack in her pizza pot. As I knelt with my head down, from the corner of my eye I could see her coming towards me, but still I dreamed on.

And that's when she dropped the terra cotta pot onto my head. It broke into several pieces. ON MY HEAD. Ok, maybe you don't understand. She was on the deck, I was down on my hands and knees in the dirt. And she dropped a flower pot onto my head. My head broke the pot. Ok, do you understand now? The pain, I mean. I was lucky, it did not bleed - surprising since head wounds are supposed to bleed like crazy. But I guess I was lucky, nothing actually punctured my skin.

As I type this with one hand, the other hand holding ice to the lump that is forming on my head, I have to laugh, and once again remind all of you that parenthood is nothing like you think it will be. But it's certainly full of surprises.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


So, I just wanted to let you all know that if you google "wiping someone else's bum" my site comes up #2 !

It's a proud, proud moment, my friends!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Say what?

There are phrases I have said in the last 3 yrs and 10 months that just never ever figured into the equation. I just never dreamed, ever, what Mothering would be like. It's hard to imagine what something is REALLY going to be like before you actually do it. When I worked as a buyer for accessories, it wasn't quite what I thought it would be when I was studying away for my Fashion Merchandising degree at IUP. But still, it was on the same plain of reality and logic that I had been on for quite a few years. My duties were orderly and reasonable. It wasn't like this. Even hearing that parenthood is nothing what you expect doesn't prepare you for such unexpectedness. Laying awake at night, stroking that big, pregnant belly and dreaming of what it will like doesn't even get close. Yes, you imagine that you will love the child like nothing you have loved before, and that certainly is true. And still doesn't measure up to the actual all-encompassing love that materializes. But I'm talking about how you imagine you will parent and interact with your child. Scared or not, judgemental or not, I'm sure you, like me, dreamed of picture perfect days filled with painting gardenscapes, exploring nature, cuddling to cartoons. And of course, lovingly teaching them the ways of acceptable conduct. Ooops! I think I just snorted my coffee through my nose on that one. I mean, what the hell was I thinking? I just had no idea what sort of things I would actually be saying to my children. No clue, really.

These for instance:
Ahhh, look at all this poo!
Poop goes into the toilet, not onto the floor.
Did you put an acorn in your pee pee?
Your Noggin isn't broken (and not be talking about their head!.)
We keep our clothes on when we are visiting our friends.
We don't wear pajamas in the shower.
Rocks can hurt heads.
You need bam bams for the boo boo's on your ba-ba's?
Dog food is for doggies!

Or even the mundane things that you somewhat expected to say, just not 5 times a day, every day for 2 years:

crayons are for paper, not walls!
don't hit your sister!

I mean, really? I just had no clue! And then there are the things you ask your friends, things you thought you were never care about, let alone discuss:

How often does your baby poop?
What happened to your nipples?
How do you get 32 ounces of maple syrup out of the carpet?

I mean really, who knew? Ok, for the couple of people who read this regularly, please share with me a few of your "I can't believe I am saying this!" phrases. Show me I'm not alone, and give me a chuckle!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Remember Me?

So, It's been a while, I know. Sorry about that. I went away for a while. No, the place I went didn't end in "psychiatric center" or "rehab" or anything like that. Nope, my wonderful In-laws took the whole family to a Beaches Resort in The Turks and Caicos. It was AMAZING. Amazing. Really. A beautiful resort. Beautiful room. Breath-taking beaches. Wonderful service. The weather was perfect. 80's, sunny, breezy. Perfect, really. We had a large cast of characters with us. Hubby's whole family - parents, brother, sister-in-law, grandmother, Aunt, Uncle, two cousins, and us. 13 of us to be exact. Lots of mishaps, crying, laughing, drinking and lots and lots and lots of EATING. I felt like I was on cloud nine for four whole nights and days. My children were adorable, my husband was attentive and funny. The sun was shining, the heavens sang down on us. God, was it wonderful. Exactly what I needed to get myself out of a late winter slump.

Then we came back. Funny thing about vacations - they end. My Mother generously offered to come the day after we got back to help with the kids and let me rest after a long and late flight home. Well, ok, so I begged her to come. It was still generous of her to show up! My kids were, ummm, how do I say? A handful once we got back? A little out of sorts? Absolute monsters? Yeah, I think the last one is most precise. The plan for my Mom was to come and stay overnight then leave the next morning. Well, the next morning I was hit with an absolutely blinding and debilitating migraine. The sweet angel I call Mom put me to bed, gave me pills to knock me out, and took care of the monsters, errr, girls while I slept. I was in and out of consciousness that day. So I heard bits and pieces of life for my Mom. Actually, I felt like I was easedropping on myself for a day. Varying voices wafted up to me. Calm but stern ones, yelps of surprise. Hollers of "No"! The ever present phrases of my life "why would you DO that?" and "stop". Eerily familiar statements that I've been saying way too often, but haven't heard my Mom utter in at least 25 years.
Feeling better that evening, I hung with my Mom on the couch, chatting for a while. She informed me that I don't give justice to this blog. That I could be writing so much more! She, in fact, could write an entire book on just that one day! The wrestling, the fighting, the fibbing, the messes, the running, screaming, screeching, playing, dancing, scratching,pulling hair, singing chaos that is a day with my dear D1 and D2! And, best of all, she has promised me to testify on my behalf that they do not act this way because I'm upstairs locked in my room manicuring my nails all day! Nope, the things they do really happen in split seconds. VALIDATION!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay Me! So, if you don't believe one of my posts that says I really was just gone for a minute, then you go ask my Mommy!