Sunday, October 26, 2008

Guru For Hire

So, do you want to know what is my true ambition in life? My biggest dream? I want to be a guru. Your guru. Somebody's guru. Are you looking for one? I'm available. I'm convinced this is my true calling in life. What I was meant to do. I'm pretty sure I would excel. I could wear long flowy dresses, and dye my hair burgundy. Wear lots of clinking jewelry. Maybe even walk around with a pair of fairy wings. I think I could definitely look the part of a guru. From my mansion, I would tell people that I don't do it for the money, but for the good of mankind. I could even do infomercials, available for viewing at 1 am and 3 am. I could sell my books and framed photos of myself on QVC at 2 am. I would be the answer to every insomniacs dream.


I've put a lot of thought into this. How does one become a guru, do you think? I'm pretty sure I need some kind of specialty.

For a while, I thought I could become certified in yoga, tweak it a little into some sort of jenism and then become a guru. But I realized this would require me to get my ass off of my sofa become more flexible than I presently am. So I threw that idea out the door.


The secrets told in this blog definitely ruined my chances of becoming a parenting guru. Unless someone wants to know my secrets to getting your children to run around naked in the backyard and refuse to have their faces washed.

This blog also ruined my chances of being the next cleaning guru. Maybe I could take a stance on NOT cleaning. I'm pretty sure I could round up a few people to buy that one. Cleaning is a dredge to your psyche! Stop now!

Perhaps I can make up my own religion. Become a cult leader. I could use my blog as a sort of recruitment site. What would the basis of my religion be? I have unlocked the secrets of the universe! Enlightment can be obtained! It's a precarious thing, but if you are careful enough somewhere between 16 and 16.2 ounces of coffee you will see the light! Just be sure to add the right amount of sugar and half n half and astral projection will also be possible.

7 comments:

Shana said...

Only 16 ounces of coffee? pshhh. Amateurs. ;)
If you become a guru, I will become a follower. As long as I can be in bed by midnight. And I can't give up my booze.

Jiff said...

lol. If you figure out your thing, let me know. We can be rivals and stage tv debates on our different theories...get everyone so engaged that they buy the books and watch the tv shows seeing us say why we're better than each other...and we'll rake in the money... and secretly laugh behind the scenes that it's all a bunch of hokey and go to Starbucks together. :)

Jiff said...

Oh, another idea...do something with Self Help. People make BILLIONS of dollars on books like that.... and you don't even need to be qualified.

HeatherY said...

You can be my guru! lol! For whatever!

Krazy Kat Lady said...

I thought you were already my guru. :) Don't you like to email me with new ideas of what I should do? Although it has been a month or two since the last one..... hint, hint....

Jenny Henny said...

Oh Krazy Kat Lady! Wanna hear the latest idea? I'm going to write letters from Santa!

Krazy Kat Lady said...

That is AWESOME!!!! Please do share when you do! :)