So I tricked, errrr, I mean I asked a friend to watch the girls for me tonight while Hubby and I went to a meeting. More than once I asked, "Are you sure?" and she kept saying it will be fine. But then she made a joke about being sure to hide all the scissors. Which got me all worried, I mean should I fill her in on EVERYTHING the girls could possibly get into? I keep thinking I should call her to discuss. But then I start thinking about what the conversation could be like, if I really did follow a policy of full disclosure.
Me: Sooooo, I just wanted to touch base about tonight and what you can expect from my girls. Thought I'd give you a few tips.
Friend: Oh, it will be fine. My kids can be a little rambunctious at times, too!
Me: (nervously)yeah, I'm sure! Just, ummmm, you said you were having spaghetti and meatballs?
Friend: yes, do they like that?
Me: Sure, but you weren't going to put grated cheese on the table, right? I mean, not where they could actually reach it? And if you are having salad, you will lock, I mean put the dressing in the fridge so they can't get to it, right?
Friend: uh, sure.....
Me: Ok, great! And your kitchen and powder room sinks - you could put the soaps on a high shelf, right?
Friend: (long pause)yeah, I guess I could do that....
Me: great, great! Oh, and the upstairs bathrooms, you don't have hair gels or make up or shampoo just out, right?
Friend: ummmm, actually I do.
Me: Well, why don't you just do a quick trip around the house and gather those things up. Put them on a high shelf, too.
Friend: Oh, I'm sure they won't get into anything like that! But, ok.
Me: Yeah, I'm sure it will be fine. Oh yeah, if you have any step stools you may want to lock them in the garage. Wouldn't want them to be used to get up to those high shelves of yours! I mean, just in case, that is.
Friend: Ok. So how long did you say you would be gone?
Me: Oh, just a little over two hours.
Friend: Oh, no problem. The girls couldn't possibly get into much trouble in that little bit of time.
Me: (long pause for hysterical laughter mixed with crying) Yeah, of course not.
Friend: Ok, so anything else?
Me: Well, let me see. You weren't going to give them anything with sugar or red dyes, right? That makes them a little crazy....
Friend: Oh, I just made cookies with red M&M's. My kids were all excited....
Me: Oh, just let them fill up on them before my girls get there! Oh, and after D2 eats or drinks anything, force her to use the potty. She refuses to wear a diaper, but she also likes to pee in some strange places!
Me: Ha ha, that was a joke. sort of. I mean, she doesn't do that all the time.
Me: Oh, just one more thing! While you are putting away the soap and stuff, make sure there are no pens, pencils, markers, paint, or glue left out! Boy, do they like to color on those walls!
Me: Ok! So see you tonight!
Friend: Oh, darnit! I just took another look at my calendar. I almost forgot we have a really, really important meeting. Uh yeah, we have to meet with the hamster breeder out in New Jersey. Wow! Can't believe I forgot about that! Looks like I won't be able to watch your sweet girls after all!
Me: Really? Oh no! I mean they are such easy girls to watch. Maybe you could take them with you? There isn't a whole lot of damage they can do in the car once they are strapped in. Just don't give them snacks....
Friend: So sorry! Nope, not enough room in the car! Oh look at the time, gotta go!
Wow. I'm sure that's how it would play out. Definitely, definitely not making that call.